Preheat oven to 400°F. Line your baking sheets with parchment paper, silicone mats, or whatever you prefer.
Steam your cauliflower until it's soft and cooked. How long this takes depends on how large your pieces are, usually around 15 minutes.
Transfer your cauliflower to your food processor, working in batches if need be. Pulse until it's riced or about that size. Be careful not to over-blend.
Transfer your cauliflower rice to a clean dish towel. Layer another on top and gently press out as much moisture as you can. Paper towels can also help to absorb moisture.
Combine the cauliflower and the rest of the ingredients (yes, all of them) in a mixing bowl, stirring until they're well mixed.
Using your scoop or spoon, take roughly ½ Tbsp balls of mix and form them into tots. Arrange them on your baking sheet. I find it helps to squeeze them a bit to compress them before shaping, otherwise they can fall apart easily.
Bake your tots for 25 minutes, or until they turn golden.
Allow to cool slightly and serve with your favorite ketchup, aioli, or other dipping sauce.